Don't Walk In Front Of Me, I Might Not Follow. Don't Walk Behind Me, I Might Not Lead. Walk Beside Me And Be My Friend.

Reader Question: "I could really relate to your post about choosing your friends and cleaning house. I attempted to do that earlier this year but my friend confronted me and said I changed. How do I deal with people that think I am better than them, or say I have changed just because I want more for myself"

Truth is, if they are still stuck in a motionless state of being, it isn't in their best interest for you to become a better person. You're playing small benefits the attention-craved friend that always has to have the limelight, your depression benefits the insecure friend that never wants to see another happy. - So what happens next? You have to realize that everyone has their run in with reality when they're ready. Ideally, it would be nice for friends to grow and better themselves at the same time, but that isn't always the way it happens. Don't let the emotional blackmail keep you in a situation that isn't healthy or beneficial towards the end goal of total mind, body and emotional wellness. 

For whatever reason we sometimes outgrow friends we thought were there for life. Maybe they were there to show us a reflection of ourselves, maybe they helped us through some bad times. However as we grow, mature, learn, evolve and seek a deeper understanding of ourselves; our needs and our value systems tend to change. You shouldn't feel bad for that. One of the hardest things to do is to detach emotionally, but in order for us to move on without beating ourselves up in the process; it is necessary. - There were many times I kept my "friendships" going because I didn't want to abandon them, but I began to lose myself in the co-dependent relationship. You don't have to wait until they commit a cardinal sin to give you a legitimate reason to walk away; you know you can no longer stay when you begin to resent the friendship, or it leaves you feeling drained.

One thing I wished I would have known a lot earlier in life is that it is ok to move on. We all have a right to act in accordance to our inner guidance system [which in essence never steers us wrong], and we shouldn't allow outside opinions and chatter divert us away from what our core knows is right. Untangle yourself from feelings of guilt, detach from your need to be understood by these old acquaintances and empower yourself with the permission to walk away. 

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What Energy Are You Bringing With You Into The New Year?

 [source]

The jealous friend, the possessive friend, the non-supportive friend, the pot stirring friend [who usually calls you just to gossip], the self absorbed friend that only wants to call you to vent, or brag [it is never about you]; are you bringing them into the New Year with you? The New Year marks a paradigm shift for many of us, and it is a great time to clean house; replacing the people in your life that sustain themselves by sucking the energy out of others.

I was guilty of keeping those people around me for quite some time and it did nothing but drain my energy, and leave me envious of people who had substantial, meaningful friendships. I had become one of those people I hated. A friend collector. Friend collectors are generally people that have about 550,000 friends associates; but no real friends. God, there is a difference.

Friends should never leave you feeling empty, feeling used, or feeling down. Sticking around because of "x" number of years you have been friends isn't a good trade off; considering all that you lose in the process. Energy is just as valuable as time. Like attracts like. It's no coincidence that the depression, unhappiness, and insecurity I felt at various points in my life attracted other people that were no better off than I was at the time. It became a domino effect. A vortex of negativity that manifested in every decision I made, and every new "friend" I gained. One day I asked myself why none of my friends were happy. It was a "circle" of constant drama, that played out like the juiciest episodes of Days of Our Lives. Maybe I attracted those people because of the Laws of Attraction, maybe I befriended them because no positive-minded people would spend more than 5 minutes in the room with me before realizing I was battling some serious issues, and didn't want to be the host in which I could suck their energy. Either way, a change needed to happen. 

Just like that, I cut them off. It was lonely those first few months. No one to talk to on the way home, no one to talk to while I was in line at the grocery store. It was the loneliest, yet best time I could have ever spent with myself. I realized in the end that those friends were distractions from the issues I was running from. After giving myself a number of tune-ups and realigning with my true self, I started to attract people that were a mirror of me. I was better off at that time, which meant that my friends were too.

--

Cleanse your aura around you and you will attract individuals that live off of the vibrations of joy versus the parasitic friends that live by sucking energy. - That positive force-field of friends you create will help you attract more experiences and emotions that are in line with your vibration. Let 2011 be the year you let your light shine, and walk in truth with like minds. 

What energy are you bringing with you into the New Year?

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To Be Yourself In A World That Is Constantly Trying To Make You Something Else Is The Greatest Accomplishment - Ralph Waldo Emmerson

In a world that will seemingly forever pit curves vs. thin, light skin vs. dark skin, relaxed vs. natural, blondes vs. brunettes and black vs white; we must always hold on to our individuality. Staying true to our individual value system fosters a deeper sense of self-confidence that holds more weight than the praise received from trying to fit the mold. 

We must remain separate from thoughts of insecurity, inadequacy, and any fear we may experience; or else we risk the consequence of being consumed by these momentary feelings. We can separate ourselves from these feelings by developing a stronger "center" that always reflects our "true" selves, and remains undisturbed in the face of adversity. - Don't be afraid to be you. Let your love for yourself flow freely; let it feed your soul, let it carry you down the path of conscious freedom. 

To be content with your true self is to live in richness, truth and love. Whether you are dark skinned, light skinned, or completely lacking melanin; you were created in Divine Perfection.

I found these photos {here}, and I was enamored with all of the photos of beautiful black women, so I thought I would share! 

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Once You Have Mastered Time, You Will Understand How True It Is That Most People Overestimate What They Can Accomplish In A Year – And Underestimate What They Can Achieve In A Decade! - Tony Robbins

One of the most popular questions I receive in my in-box is how I am able to balance my life. The truth is that I make lists for everything, and work on a very tight schedule. Everything from the time I wake up, to when I take my daily nap [I need my naps y'all] is mapped out in my daily to-do list. I find that I am less frazzled and able to accomplish a lot more when I have a daily agenda versus the days I just wing it. - Here is a short yet useful list of tips and tricks to help you better manage your time, ensuring that you get more done at the end of the day. 

The key is to work smarter, not harder

Make a list of your day-to-day activities: This can include anything from the exact time you wake up in the morning, to your noon call with your BFF, and even the time you spend surfing the internet. Making a list of your activities will help you delegate your time to tasks that are higher on the priority list, ensuring you are more productive during the day. It will also help give you a clearer picture of how much you are actually able to take on during each day. 

Cut out the fluff: Account for that 30 minutes - hour you may spend on social networking sites, blogs, talking on the phone, watching TV, anything that doesn't directly correlate to a goal. Once you have taken note of these activities, it is time to start prioritizing. 

List all daily tasks in order of importance: This will be the order in which you complete these activities each day! This structure will help you complete pressing tasks in a timely and efficient manner. 

Start each day with a "dreaded task": You will be amazed at how much better you feel after conquering high-priority tasks early on in the day.

Make each task time-specific & work on one task at a time: Some tasks can consume your whole day, so it is important to set time-lines and stick to them. It will help you work better, as you will stay motivated while you breeze through each task. >> For instance, you can set 30 minutes daily for answering emails, 1hr for internet research, 20 minutes for phone calls,  etc.

Invest in a day calendar or other time management tools: Use tools like Google Calendar, iCal, or even an old fashioned day journal to keep track of important appointments, to-do lists, outings, and future events you may need to prepare for. 

Stay away from these productivity killers: 

Multi-tasking: Give your full attention to one task at a time, you are less likely to make errors, and your stress level will be lower while working. Completing one task at a time also makes for better time management as it is easier to delegate feasible time-lines for single projects versus compound tasks.

Disorganization: Disorganization can cripple even your best efforts to stay on track. Make sure you have everything you need to complete your tasks before you begin.

Improper/unclear to-do lists: To-do lists should be as precise as possible so that you can assign feasible time-lines. Instead of saying "work on school project" for one hour, break the project down into sections as follows: 30 minutes for research, and 30 minutes for outlining structure of the paper. Remember to break larger projects down into smaller bite-size pieces for better results.

Other productivity killers:

Procrastination

Surfing the internet while working

Texting while working

Watching TV while working

[photo source]

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Reach High, For Stars Lie Hidden In Your Soul. Dream Deep, For Every Dream Precedes The Goal. - Pamela Vaull Starr

I wanted to thank everyone for leaving their kind footprints in yesterday's post! It has definitely been a long time coming, and while there is a long way to go, I feel reassured that I will get there exactly when I am meant to. 

For all of my fellow artisans, dancers, singers, and dream chasers, the most important thing to remember is to have faith in yourself. I have always wanted a jewelry line, but because I lacked faith in myself, I never attracted the energy I needed to see a project through. I always stopped just short of the finish line because I would rather quit versus being rejected. It was that fear that kept me stagnant for so many years. Believe in yourself, for it is that energy that will carry you when you are too weak to walk.

It felt great being able to overcome a fear and have the support of those around you. Especially people you have never even met. - I have a special giveaway planned for Monday to show my appreciation for making this launch very special to me :-) 

To answer a few questions: 

• I will take the advice given in the comments and model the jewelry so that you can get an idea of the size of the piece, as well as what it looks like on.  
• Many of you mentioned that you didn't mind viewing pictures of new pieces added to the shop. So I will keep that in mind and also post a few pictures here as well as the Tumblr page [www.frankandmyrrh.tumblr.com] <<--Finally fixed my link. 
• I finally added UK shipping!

• I will also check with my supplier this weekend to see if they offer 14K Gold or Sterling Silver clip-on posts - I prefer to use those materials as they last longer and work well with those that have skin sensitivity issues.
  

[photo source]

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The First Step To Finding Your Passion: Reconnect With Yourself & Lower The Emotional Stakes

One of the main reasons we tend to get disappointed when trying to carve out our life path is because the stakes are too high emotionally. We feel as though our happiness, success, and wealth is riding on each venture, and we are hellbent on it leading to our ultimate goal. 

When you find yourself at the crossroads of life, take some time to regain a centered, balanced connection with yourself. This means letting go of your attachment to finding answers at that very moment, and instead, embarking on a spiritual journey of discovery and play. 

To reconnect with ones true self is to shed our pseudo-identity, and end the people-pleasing behavior. We need to tear down our false fronts, so that we can get down to our truest, most honest, child-like selves. You will heal once you confront your fears, imperfections, mistakes, pant size, latent anger, grief, joy and heartbreaks instead of letting them define you. 

Why do I need to get in touch with my inner child? 

As we grow older we tend to let life experiences shape our decisions. We become less spontaneous and more calculated, less playful and more reserved, we exhibit less passion and exude more of an automatic, slightly robotic state of being. We are afraid of risks. It is through getting in touch with our inner child that we can begin to take risks, and make the necessary mistakes in order to truly evolve into the person we are meant to be.

In order to reconnect with self, you must discover and commit to living by your values:

A simple way to discover your values is to ask questions about important aspects of your life. Often when we feel our values are compromised or disregarded, we feel disconnected from our clear, true self. It is that feeling of disconnection that breeds a feeling of suppression, a lack of inner direction, and insecurity.  

Writing Activity:

In a journal or simple notepad, answer the questions below to the best of your ability. Once you have answered all questions, you must then make a conscious effort to start living according to your values. This means getting comfortable with saying no to others. For those that have an exceptionally hard time saying no, you can still decline; yet offer an alternative solution that is still within your boundaries.

• Am I true to myself, or do I try to please others as a mother, employee, sister, wife, friend, girlfriend, fiance, student, etc?
• How do I compromise myself when playing out various roles? 
• Take yourself back to one of the happiest moments in your life. What values were being honored at that time?  
• How do I censor myself in everyday life? 
• What do I want to contribute to this world?
• What do I want to receive in return? 
• What makes me feel fulfilled? 

Purpose:

To discover your core needs. In discovering these needs, you will create stability, self-fulfillment, security, self-confidence, and build character; while setting healthy boundaries for those around you.

Discovery Task: 

Pick one of your favorite hobbies. Engage in this hobby once a week [for at least one month] for about an hour. 

Optional: You can make a list of your favorite hobbies and decide to do one hobby a week for a month. 

Ideas:

Reading books at your favorite book store

Photography

Doing a weekly manicure or pedicure

Gardening

Trying new recipes weekly

Biking 

Scrapbooking

Working on a family tree
 

Purpose: 

To create a healthy diversion with low emotional stakes. To learn how to engage in an activity without expecting a monetary reward or the praise of others. Engaging in an activity you find enjoyable is also a form of active meditation. Active meditation means that you are completely involved in your current activity, yet your mind is capable of recalling inspiration subconsciously. 

Participating in a Discovery Task will also help you reconnect with your inner child-like spirit. In reconnecting with that energy, you will learn how to embrace basic fundamentals like creativity, self-understanding, curiosity, invention, and imagination; which you can later infuse into other aspects of your life. 

Discovery tasks can also help foster creative energy and talents we sometimes tend to abandon as we grow older. Starting this blog was a discovery task for me. It has been a major outlet, while teaching me a lot about myself, and opening up a world of possibilities I never knew existed. Never underestimate the power of play. 

Until next week my friends :-)

[photo source]

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Without Passion Man Is A Mere Latent Force And Possibility, Like The Flint Which Awaits The Shock Of The Iron Before It Can Give Forth Its Spark - Henri Frederic Amiel

How much intensity can you put towards life if there is no passion behind it?

If you asked me ten years ago what I wanted to do with my life; I wouldn't be able to express my passion with much conviction. Yes there were things I loved to do, yes I had interests, but I could never see those things as my passion or calling. These days we are looking for instant gratification anywhere we can get it. We want our food cooked in less than 30 minutes, we want to lose weight as fast as possible, and we want an answer to our existence immediately; which often leads to us settling for less than we deserve because we just don't want to "be". 

Taking the time to let the universe organically steer you towards your passion would mean you would have to let go of "titles". Often we live, date, marry and die by our title. Saying you're an aspiring actress, student, writer, or model sounds better than "I'm still figuring it out" to most people. So we live in a state of keeping up appearances, and seeking instant gratification instead of staying true to ourselves. 

 

One day I woke up and decided I was tired of faking myself out. I had to ask myself if being a Psychiatrist [I was a psych major] was a passion of mine, or if I succumbed to my own fear that I wouldn't amount to anything if I hadn't figured out my life by a certain age. Who determines the age threshold for having it all figured out anyway? - That fateful day I decided I wanted to do something with my life that ignited a fire from within, versus a job that gave "great pay and good benefits". I didn't care if it didn't have a fancy title, didn't care if it didn't pay 6 figures and most importantly, I didn't care what others thought. It was on that day that I understood that passion is the driving force for longevity. 

Passion will ensure that your path towards living your dream remains illuminated even in times of adversity and self-doubt. 

The next few weeks I will dedicate a series of posts geared towards finding and claiming your passion. Get your notebooks and pens ready and lets all take this journey together. - Before we begin however, there are a few things you must let go of in order to dig deep inside yourself and be ok with what you discover. 

You will first need to let go of your attachment to time. Worrying about when you have your epiphany will only cause anxiety and may force you to act out of desperation if you feel "time is running out". Instead, believe that the time you spend during this introspective period is an important part of personal growth and you will be rewarded with a solid mind and indispensable tools like patience, diligence and perseverance.

Be passionate about what makes you happy, not the amount of zeros on your check stub. For this you will need to let go of thinking a certain dollar amount will buy you happiness. What this means is that you should pursue your passion based on how fulfilling it is, not based on the salary or perks. Do not block your blessings by placing unnecessary restrictions on what you will or will not do. The power of passion coupled with positive thoughts and most importantly action, will cause a paradigm shift in your life. This means that if you're intentions are true and your mind is focused, the universe will supply you with everything you need in abundance. Walk in faith, and trust the most high on this one.

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let go of your ego. So your friends are all college graduates, your brother is in grad school, and your boyfriend just passed the bar. Your ego may want you to keep up. Your ego doesn't want to be left behind. Your ego wants bragging rights too. Understand that those are their paths and yours may be uniquely different. Never follow someone else's blueprint as each person has their own purpose in life. Allow yourself to detach from the opinions of others while you take the journey through self exploration. 


I found these beautiful images on weheartit - I picked them for the post to show just how beautiful different paths can be. Each path is uniquely different yet beautiful in it's own right like you and me.

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